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“We are connected.”

Sure, there are a lot of interpretations that come with the statement. As peers, friends and general bonds go? We’re connected because people are curious. People are passionate. Some people love being with other people, some people love data and systematic puzzles, some people love things. Almost all people love other people in their hearts, and understanding how all individual passions interplay is a lifelong adventure.

Often after a lengthy time with another – presence wherever it may be – we wonder if we have anything to say at a given moment. Of course this is true in long term romantic relationships and it can also be true in everyday friendships within physical space.

It is also true that sometimes we aren’t concerned about silence because we look forward to the quiet time: after all has been said and on the table, when all the “thank you” expressions have been accepted, we just want to enjoy time alongside one another.

And yes, apparently sometimes connections last even though the original pact or event is complete. Instead of wondering what we’ve left to say, really we just want to sit with that other and enjoy life. If we’re going to telepathically high-five while the other is in our presence, that other already has their hand up and ready. The entire situation and lasting connection is that effective and that legit.

It’s about as good as a dance with a friend, partner, parent, child or teammate. We may haven’t danced with them in awhile – maybe ever. But we know them and know the moves are less important than being with one another. Anyway, some of my best dances have been with people who are confident in their moves, no matter what the moves look like.

We are comfortable in a good way with others when we are connected.

We can sit silently and spend time together. We dance without expert moves. We dance without judgment or distrust from others. We spend time with the other because we are a good fit.

You know, a few guy friends in my life, way back when, used to advise me to “zip it” during occasional periods of talkative excitement. Others in my life have asked how I can handle alone and quiet time, reflecting that I must be so introverted to not converse. Well, most of us are a little of both – myself included.

Some suggest excessively quiet people may need practice in conversation. Others may contemplate suggesting materials and other prompts to help mask the chatter for overly talkative individuals. But of course these are not traits that necessarily need fixes.

If one can sit back and say “we are connected” about another, there will be talkative days and quiet days and neither will read too much into it. That’s a good thing.

So on those days when we meet with another and find ourselves at peace, forget dwelling on what to say, how much to say or measure how enjoyable it is. On those days when we meet with another, happy that we are connected, why not just take a hand and lead in a dance?

The dance, a conversation all its own, will communicate. And in case you were curious, it always enriches that great fit.

We are connected.

So come take my hand anytime.

Or high-five it, I suppose. I’ll be ready either way.

Maybe you’ll boldly surprise me by smoothly twirling that high-five into a classic, soulful sway.

This is what happens when our connection is that legit.

There’s always the delicate dance between the right one at the time and the right one for all time. Whether we’re talking the right job, the right home, the right friend, the right partner. There’s…

Source: Braving the elements

There’s always the delicate dance between the right one at the time and the right one for all time. Whether we’re talking the right job, the right home, the right friend, the right partner. There’s also the remarkable debate about soul mates: do we find “the one” or do we find there may be more than one “perfect match” in a world of interesting and loving people. I honestly believe it’s a gentle and fine fusion of these two theories.

One thing’s for certain, isn’t it? The “right one” is the one we brave the elements for.

It doesn’t matter which part of the dance we’re talking about: the right one at the time or the right one we want to move along time with…..we know it is right because we brave the elements for them.

The right job is the one we fight for and the one we dedicate extra hours for, in effort to shape the organization and its people. Once, when I was in the right job at the right time, my boss (the owner) would tell me I didn’t have to clean and shape the flower display. He’d ask what I had in mind for the day, and if it was the day to make sure our display was sparkling, I’d tell him.  Spending lots of time in the cooler, chilly and full, was something he may have been reluctant to delegate, but it was absolutely important for the shop. It wasn’t too much to give a little extra on the job, especially for a wonderful boss and owner, I’d thought. Our actions speak louder than words, especially when it’s the right fit. A few chilly minutes in the cooler was worth the clean and sparkling look, too. We brave the elements for the right job, sometimes literally.

The right friend is the one we prioritize personal time for, or the one we forgive for immaturity or offense, or the one we should’ve asked for forgiveness from but didn’t need to. And perhaps that right friend comes along as both of you are growing in life and look for new perspectives. You find each other and, like two birds of a feather, get to know eachothers’ space a little better. Which means you get to know yourselves a little better along the way. And, no matter where you roam, you always have another home to return to in that new right friend. We brave the elements of honesty, compromise, loyalty and especially vulnerability for those right friends that come along, don’t we?

The right partner, at the time, later on down the road or for all time, comes along apparently unexpectedly. And then we brave elements of patience, perseverance and vulnerability. We especially brave elements of fear and trust, ultimately bringing out the best in ourselves and each other. The right one helps you find what you’re looking for, sometimes bringing you what they’ve found for you. The right one at the time or for all time braves the elements to let you help them as well.

It takes courage, perseverance, flexibility….it’s easy to be easy going with the right ones. It’s also an easy decision when the going gets tough, because the right partner is the one we are bold for.

The right ones that we move along time with, whether romantically or otherwise, may come and go. They may come and stay. But we brave the elements for them and, for the right ones, we always will.

That’s how we know it, and how they know it too.

What If? How incorporating basic, clinical and translational medical research into quality measures will restore and shape healthcare for the better.

Quality measures are a significant part of health, industry and the future. From government reimbursement and oversight to public reporting, quality measures shape the United States’ healthcare system. Measurements will continue to be of debate with evidence-based approaches replacing standards no longer considered best practice.

As quality and measurements continue to be reshaped as well as integrate within health disciplines, it is paramount that medical and clinical research is included.

Going back in time we see that quality measurements and standards benefit both the public and private industry.

Why take quality measurements to the public? To build trust and transparency, to show accountability, to encourage hospital and healthcare safety and to promote those above average. Quality measurements benefit private industry in terms of publicity and public appeal, undoubtedly.

Quality and patient safety credentialing and specialties are a business. Their education and certification requirements for personnel as well as in certification of health facilities are profitable and desirable. Several large companies, including the Joint Commission and the National Committee for Quality Assurance, provide accreditation and “seals” that recognize healthcare facilities for quality in healthcare. Government and non-profit agencies provide regular surveys and quality reviews as part of standards of oversight, including through Centers for Medicare and Medicare as well as other Department of Health and Human Services, such as the Agency for Healthcare Quality and Research (AHRQ). Additionally, membership organizations like the National Quality Forum provide healthcare industry education, service delivery research and membership association benefits.

While some measurements and standards are debated over, in regards to cost-effectiveness or evidence basis, one thing is clear: healthcare safety and quality is improving nationally in many ways.

In order to effectively drive comprehensive and total quality in health, however, it is time to incorporate medical and clinical research into quality accreditation. Often in Joint Commission surveys or in government agency onsite reviews, standards are dictated and draconian. Some measurements and standards are well documented in evidence, but others are extremely subjective, having been decided by a select few without transparent rationale. Additionally, quality agencies such as AHRQ perform research on healthcare services (delivery, quality of care) but often do not account for variables in clinical research.

Of the numerous healthcare organizations and associations I have been a part of, including infection prevention, patient safety, public health and care coordination for the underserved, I have yet to experience any measurements that consider academic medicine, clinical research or basic medical research. Clinical and basic research is not factored into the equation, though it is a significant factor in the United States healthcare.

The medical, clinical and basic research system has potential to be reshaped and grow nationally and internationally through strategic planning. Incorporation of private and public partnerships as well as academic medical center expansion and collaborations can drive medical research to become a systematic, transparent and publicly trusted branch of healthcare. Quality forums and agencies must recognize and reshape their standards to incorporate this new vision: not only for institutions to meet the standards but so that the agencies can help drive change.

• Instead of surveying patients and ensuring they had education on expectations during care, why not incorporate a standard to ensure they have been educated and offered current clinical trials?
• Instead of ensuring the facility meets structure design that may or may not be evidence-based, why not initiate new standards that incorporate facility accommodations for medical and basic research?
• Rather than just randomly interviewing employees to ensure responses match all policy and procedures for medication delivery protocols, why not ask questions on whether patients were connected to academic research in timely and appropriate methods?
• Rather than just reviewing staff to patient ratios, why not initiate standards relatable to academic medicine and researchers: patient ratios and academic teaching versus clinician resource dedication?
• In chart reviews, instead of only assuring reimbursement and diagnosis coding accuracy, why not assure insurance coverage versus research company donation for clinical trial participation?

Transparency in decisions around quality standards, as well as transparency in those deciding them, have only just begun. Transparency in public quality reporting is in its infancy. Transparency with medical research is absolutely needed in order to build public trust. It is time to incorporate all in order to assure true quality in healthcare. Medical research is quality in healthcare, and national quality organizations are in prime position to lead this understanding, alongside hospital and insurance industries. Additionally, academic medicine and professor input is crucial. Conversations including academic medicine as well as decisions shaped by their input will only further the partnership in quality and clinical care.

Medical research is part of quality in healthcare. In fact, clinical and basic research shape quality in healthcare. It is time to include medical research are part of our quality standards, measurement and reporting.

Source: Fear’s aftertaste is no match for the future

True fear.

You know it when you experience it. It cannot be swept away. It certainly can’t be bought away, as if it were some corrupt business, healthcare institution or media magnet. Its hands are brutal and far-reaching.

In the working world fear is produced and fabricated to protect the organizations’ assets at the expense of a person’s or community’s well-being.

Fear is a master disguiser but experience can help distinguish between that which is scary and that which is terrifying. Neither is too strong to overcome, by the way.

• As an adult, if you are thrown into drama fit for teens, it’s scary.
• If clinical directors in former organizations communicate verbally (and nonverbally!) their unprofessional desires regarding male leadership, it’s scary.
• When someone’s online dating profile mirrors yours and he or she may be keeping tabs on you, it’s scary.
• When physicians from a previous hospital on the northside ask you out via these sites, mimicking ex-boyfriends, it’s scary.
• Should strange new guys start asking you out on Match and mock your personal life, it’s scary.

But when a current downtown healthcare employer and former one are both keeping tabs on you after hours? It’s terrifying. I’ve discussed the unprofessionalism and online dating debacle in previous blogs.

It’s not a win for anyone looking to stir fear in another as usually the latter overcomes this. They overcome fear not because fear is irrational but because the cause is addressed.

The fear is not irrational. The cause is addressed and solved.

For instance, during my work at the same institution downtown, I went out with former public health coworkers. Suddenly a young man approached. He asked me out, said he’s from my home county and then he handed me his personal website card (recreating a former ex-boyfriend’s initial introduction). He smirked and eventually it seemed that my employers and perhaps former friends knew about it. How terrifying.

I couldn’t help but think of that very ex-boyfriend from long ago, whose own friends advised me of why I shouldn’t continue to date him. They had been right all along. So when this same old ex-boyfriend seemed to also be aware of new online dating? Terrifying.

When the new employer realized their mistake and then switched to mock “retaliation” via temporary employees? It’s terrifying.

The aftertaste of fear lingers too.

• It’s an aftertaste that’s present while former employers keep tabs on you (fall 2012) and physicians involve ex-boyfriends in online dating schemes (fall 2012).
• It’s an aftertaste present in HR “meetings” where they make it clear that they’ve been monitoring your online dating (winter 2012) and where they ask you to interview random outside personnel in backroom meetings.
• It’s an aftertaste that doesn’t dissipate, even when employers mock a family member instead of apologizing for the online dating mixup (winter 2012-2013).
• It’s an aftertaste that still lingers as the boss’s family stops by to inquire about a new boyfriend whom they believe is the reason for your learned Spanish…..and one that lingers through random employees stopping you in the downtown hospital halls to send congratulations on new boyfriends and promotions (events that never occurred).
• It’s an aftertaste where others’ online dating profiles coincide with your charity walks (spring 2013). An aftertaste where you attend charitable foundation meetings and they seem to know about you already.
• It’s an aftertaste when media outlets couldn’t get any more predictable in how wrong they were while “investigating”.
• It’s an aftertaste that turns to embarrassment for these former entities as they struggle to mock you using other avenues after you no longer date at all. Instead of the entities just apologizing.

These aftertastes aren’t washed away by some miracle drink. The antidote is in remembering the law.

Fear remains, dark and constant, as local media publishes your personal communications and long ago classmates suddenly pop up (spring 2013). It winds and whispers gossip, from long term care to infectious disease researchers to your current employer.

It creates a situation that backs your former sweetheart into a corner unfairly.

Fear may peek its’ initial head when one is warned, upon starting her job, about her boss. It definitely becomes a constant presence when one is advised six months later that the Chief Medical Officer says you “can take it” after management screaming fits. Like a bitter wind, it does not let up even after media takes the reins.

This fear reaches out as you overhear your most recent ex-boyfriend’s “friends” repeat information that was only in your personal communications.

It’s a fear that shapes cold and sinewy fingers around your throat once you go out with a match who mocks that same sweetheart. While clearly a fake date is a desperate attempt to negate employer accountability (summer 2013), it still produces fear. And, when another match makes it obvious he is the product of a former employer, those fingers of fear tighten their grip as if about to end it all.

Anxiety is natural and anyone who denies it is lying. But true fear should never be allowed a grip.

As fear snakes it way through our minds and bodies we identify what is and what is not rational. Anxiety may be irrational. Fear is not.

For me, throughout these events strength in remembering the law and problem solving with old and new friends worked. That’s why the final sentence is important.

“I don’t fear you.”

Sure, it may anger some. But if it’s the truth then it should be said.

Perhaps it’s the law enforcement background, the multiple men from years past who had a hard time understanding “no” or the emotional, tense family and child support work I was involved in…..but I’m extra cautious with personal life. Many others with similar backgrounds are the same. This is where we set boundaries. Anyone who chooses to intentionally produce fear by crossing these boundaries deserves to see the antidote in action.

Circulating fear tightens around one’s throat, straining until he or she can barely breathe out “Stop!” It is an enveloping darkness that pushes and pushes until most people predictably run and hide.

But no one has ever accused me of being like most people. Ever.

So when predictable, fear-inducing corporations and organizations allow that polluted, tortuous darkness to envelope, remember to focus. I took ownership by asking myself these questions and understanding the answers:

• Did you let on fears and general anxiety about loved ones? Own it.
• Did you let on fears around social media? Connect and grow with those in charge of social media.
• Did you let on fears about privacy violations? Build new relationships with those who create secure and complete trust (in their own companies and their personal relationships).

And as you watch fear release its’ grip and sink back into the shadows, remind your own anxiety and anyone else accountable that you’ve already been provided the antidote. The good news is that the law is free to everyone. So is personal trust you build with new friends.

Thank any fear mongers for the practice but then tip your hat with the future in mind. You’ve got some new relationships to focus on. Fear is no match for them.

Time is our most precious resource. Not money, not fame, not a media spotlight on yourself.

Time.

Devoting much of it to these new relationships, in gratitude and appreciation, is an absolute must.

Don’t look back in fear. Look forward in assurance and with excitement.

My experience with online dating was not the norm. I knew others who had or were online dating, including work peers and friends of friends. I’d completed an eHarmony profile years ago but never actually followed through.

One spring year I thought it was time to try Match. I went ahead and filled out the profile. Unbeknownst to me, the profile (unfinished) went up on the site. This was actually for the better because it got me over the initial mountain of social media. I finally put up a picture, which is a big step for a girl who refused Facebook, professional sites, etc. I knew work peers on the site and that made it comfortable.

Simultaneously, I’d started a new job and attempted to start a professional profile on a career/networking site.

At first I thought online dating was truly going to work out. I had peers on the site as well so I didn’t feel all by myself. It would be a fresh start.

It was unfortunate that, throughout the first several months, I didn’t speak up at my work when I suspected employer involvement of my dating profile. This was a great education for me for the future though. In the meantime, my job continuously changed from what I’d interviewed for. And although I never heard from the previous employer again, which was a mystery, I was truly busy with new work/new roles and wished them well.

In these first few months on Match I received a few dating requests and profile “matches” of guys that eerily seemed similar to those previously in my life. Anyone on the outside may have found this humorous but anyone with common sense knows many single girls have not had 100% pleasant experiences with all the men from their past. It makes for an uncomfortable situation.

In fact, a couple locals who’d asked me out (and had connections to former peers) were turned down for that very reason.

Months went on at work, politics in the workplace became ever stronger as talk of new partnerships grew and I also listened as attention on other aspects of my personal life seemed to grow. I listened and was mocked with statements and comments from previous employment as well as previous relationships. This was disappointing in that I was in an unprofessional environment but also that it was obvious that online dating took precedence over my work ability. Even as I watched peers chime in, I thought “at what point does one in a herd question if they are going in the right direction?”

This makes a great case for why healthcare must always be revisited, revised and why evidence-based service delivery must always be pushed….but I digress.

So yes, I thought, “at what point does one in a herd question if they are going in the right direction?”

Because, after all, not a single person at this organization had sincerely confronted me about my profile, rumors or any previous employment. In fact, it was I who originally advised this employer that I don’t want to be known online or have any pictures of myself online. In hindsight, this adamant choice was most likely the gasoline on the forest bonfire.

Once my resolve in work did not waiver after initial mocking and managerial challenge, the leadership resentment and frustration became worse…trickling into broader peer relations, hindering workplace development and preventing the addressing of significant power struggle issues. And, it was only once other aspects of my life were also zeroed in on (family, friends, hometown, charities I’m involved with) did I start to make my awareness of the situation apparent. Especially after talk of retaliation came to light, which should never occur in a healthy work environment.

Throughout this first year ordeal in online dating as a professional, there are two take-aways:

• No matter how many peers act poorly in an organization, even if directed by management, refuse to let go of that gut feeling. I refused. And I was right. In the end, it was more important to address what happened than it was to keep quiet just to appease a consultant or management. Thus, anyone in a leadership position who encourages silence after an alarming situation is not a role model nor mentor. It was and is my responsibility to identify that, no matter how many pretended management was going to take on a mentorship role. Even if a human resource professional is taking you out for coffee and conversation (a highlight of my online dating profile), changing stories left and right, it is your responsibility to identify that this behavior is not a role model to look up to. You have to know right and wrong and act accordingly, because many peers in the workplace will not.
• Regardless of how much energy is put into diverting attention, what happened is what happened. After it became apparent that I was aware of what was going on, I then watched as many, many peers and management struggled to create other avenues and outlets and excuses. I believe the wish was to make the situation either about other peers, friends, etc, or family and hometowns, or even about fundraisers I work for. That year, even my work with one of those fundraisers was scrutinized, highlighted and even coincided with events and online dating. But none of that was the real issue, which is what made this situation so disappointing. How much time, energy and work was seemingly spent when an honest conversation could have sufficed.

Before the situation even started, an honest conversation could have addressed any curiosity before it snowballed. During speculation, all it would have taken was one conversation to address and negate any rumors. Once the situation grew, just one conversation, by any peers or management, could’ve cleared things up. And of course, after that first year, one conversation would’ve avoided a very messy attempt at diverting the issue. In creating new attempts to divert from the original issue, the situation was taken from sticky to scary. And all this…..because a few decided to avoid a conversation. Of course I forgive. But I also address the issue to avoid any future consequences.

Afterward I was told numerous things.

Because some within the organization randomly mentioned they knew people in media, I eventually became concerned that media was an avenue for opening private electronic communication. When I questioned media, I was told by some in media that they have a right to my private electronic communication because of “FOIA”. How sad, I thought, watching as this played out.

I was told not to say anything because of repercussions in the healthcare world. Any respectable healthcare management team knows that voicing concern, sharing a story, addressing ethics situations in healthcare management and creating policy solutions will avoid future similar situations. Addressing the issue, not silence, changes the future.

I was also told to “walk away” and know I’m the “better person”. But this isn’t a school bully. This is a case of probable privacy violations and harassment, among other concerns (based on longevity and miscommunication). So I didn’t walk away and I’m stronger for it.

I was told that I don’t have enough “facts”. But I didn’t believe that, based on what was said and what happened. If an organization could single someone out with no repercussion and no way for a girl to have assurance after…….well, it’s time for policy to identify better solutions. Because shrugging shoulders and wiping sweat off brows as it becomes apparent that cybersecurity is lacking in legal policy is no solution. Not for a girl who, years ago, joined an online dating site, only to watch as workplace frustration, jealousy and anger reared its ugly way into her personal life.

A few loved ones thought it may be all in my head and this was just anxiety. Slowly, however, as I started to address all the statements and happenings one by one, it became clear. This wasn’t in my head and it really did happen.

If I just walked away? I’d be responsible for allowing these peers/management to be poor role models to other peers, other companies and other leaders.

If I just walked away? I’d be responsible for allowing an administration to hide behind poor policy as jealousy and poor change management continue status quo. And I’d be responsible for any outcomes of that jealousy and poor management that had seeped into my personal life.

If I just walked away? I’d be responsible for allowing organizations to suddenly “blame it on the media”, or worse….at one point, several various peers hinted around at an ex-boyfriend. No, I thought, ex boyfriends are entitled to their own lives, their own fresh starts. I can’t walk away and allow leadership to pin the tail on an ex.

If I just walked away? I’d be responsible for allowing those excuses to seep into everything else, like a toxic waste site that forgot to put in the underground lining.

And I never did hear from that one former employer again. For a girl who loves to maintain relationships, this is particularly sad but it is the reality. Years have gone by since and I have yet to see this issue come up in any other workplace.

Still, I’m so glad I didn’t walk away, even though it means I’ll never online date again.

The privacy, retaliation and electronic monitoring issues were screaming…...and I had to stop them from screaming.

Silver lining? In identifying poor role models we always maintain and identify the great role models. Just communicate and have that conversation.

Plus, the people that we love are the people that we love. Nothing is ever going to change that, no matter what. This simple truth, now more than ever, is as clear as the very blue sky waiting in the very beautiful future.

Let it catch on: the right balance is a group effort..