As a waitress, a job I loved by the way, it was sometimes difficult to meet everyone’s demands. Not because I had traditional tables but because, during banquets, all food came out at once. Meaning everyone was waiting and the rushes came in waves. I never dropped a plate though, and yes, I’m proud of that. I was pretty good at estimating the capacity of what I could carry and when I wasn’t, someone was always there to help. We all looked out for each other because the work was shared equally anyway.

It’s a little bit different than a balancing act say…in the gym. If a gymnast is practicing and he or she is off, we watch them fall. Routine on the beam, that look of confidence and suddenly they’re on the mat. Unexpectedly. We hope for the best of course, but when we see the gymnast struggling there’s nothing to do but watch….fingers crossed from the bleachers.

In life if we’re close to others we, at times, may realize something is “off”. Of course not everyone is 100% well-intentioned and not all those of concern are “off”. Taking care not to offend, assistance can be offered sensibly. And for severe issues? Well, there’s always ongoing ethics debates about what can be done when others alert authorities over concern. I believe those with severe mental illness and caregivers need better direction guided by better policy, like outpatient therapy mandates, and you can read about that here: http://murphy.house.gov/uploads/Summary.pdf

Other times a person off-balance may actually be desperate or worse – at risk for violent behavior. Experts say there are some risk factors and predictors for violence, gun violence and so on. Personal and community support programs may assist in violence prevention and we should absolutely be focusing on violence prevention as a society.

There aren’t as many predictors for the rarer violence acts, however. The mass shootings and events designed to create extreme destruction. Because these leave lasting effects, often more memorable to a larger community, it is crucial to better examine these. It’s also crucial to do what we can to prevent them, even if there isn’t optimal understanding currently.

We don’t know enough about the brain and impulsivity. If I’ve read enough it seems as though these random acts with mass casualties are premeditated, the perpetrator(s) are filled with anger/hate and the violent act is a last resort. A feeling of desperation.

Because desperate people do desperate things, why as a community do we let anyone get to that point?

I know that communities often change permanently as a result of one mass casualty premeditated act. These acts have profound effects on our future, from increased stress and extra safety precautions to general distrust.

And I do believe that many are guarded with their personal lives, people and even memories that are special to them because “you never know”. It’s all those what-ifs that, for the most part, are planted by small issues throughout our lives. So when a big issue happens, like a premeditated violent act, sometimes the what-ifs swell beyond reason. It’s not unreasonable to become extra cautious but it is unreasonable to believe we can protect the future at all times, right?

More to the point though: it’s incredibly unreasonable to continue to watch as people are pushed to the point of desperation, of losing balance. We ought to run over and lighten their load, not sit back in the bleachers.

Of course better mental health outpatient care is critical but mental health issues are not always a factor in the mass-casualty premeditated acts of violence.

Hate and anger seem to be a factor though.

That hate, that anger can be confronted and dissipated with kindness, understanding and conversation….but also by acknowledging and alleviating personal concerns. When we’re internally balanced we unintentionally reflect it. The balance itself can be contagious. But I believe the right internal mindset of love and hope is also reflected and thus also contagious.

Also, children have a natural tendency to bond as they grow up together. They, for the most part, will naturally look out for each other. I do believe this remains throughout time, even as schoolchildren grow up and grow older. If you grow up together you will usually always have that bond. Bonds cannot shield one from desperation, though.

The importance of addressing personal issues to alleviate the feeling of desperation is so crucial that is needs to become ingrained in our local, national and global communities. Not just a weekday assistance office for Medicaid and unemployment that may or may not be accessible to people. Not just a “crisis hotline”, although those are important.

How about reminding those that were once schoolchildren (always looking out for one another) that the same priority for others applies to adults? If someone’s off-balance because of a job loss, a relationship issue or bills piling up, what can be done to alleviate that person’s stress before it becomes desperation? Programs need to identify better ways of alleviating these personal stressors and they should start by utilizing trusted community members to do thorough and comprehensive planning. Just as emotions run high in teens, and addressing isolation and desperation should always be a priority in high school, so it should for us as adults.

We’re not in bleachers watching a gymnast work his or her magic. Imagine looking down the street as you walk into work thinking “fingers crossed none of you are pushed off-balance and to the point of desperation today”!

Internal balance, which spreads externally, can be practiced throughout our lives as well. This is a great prevention strategy to counter desperation or guide during “off-balance” times.

If one is so filled with hate and anger that the very classmates they grew up with become their targets in a school shooting, then the desperation was missed. I remember Columbine and I remember not understanding how anyone could want to hurt their classmates. But I do remember being in high school, having a group of friends, emotions that ran with the territory, etc. So even though many teens may not fully understand how one could carry out an act of mass violence, almost all understand personal “trying times”. I don’t believe there is a downside to teaching children how to avoid desperation, how to ask for/offer help and what to focus on (perhaps a resilient memory) when times get tough.

There’s also no downside to modeling this behavior in the workplace and as we grow in adulthood.

In a hospital, when an error is caught before it does harm to the patient it is called a “near miss”. In an act of violence in society, the point of “near miss” has already reached the point of desperation. To maintain balance, we need to accept others’ offers to lighten the load. If someone is “carrying” all they can…..if they are “at capacity”, identify and alleviate the rest. That’s everyone’s responsibility.

There are a lot of suggestions and thoughts here, but one thing is for certain when it comes to communities and identifying someone who is struggling: let’s be great restaurant coworkers, not bleacher-goers at a gymnastic event.

In a private world where one may not be forthcoming, we can still counter desperation. Let’s start by letting those with the internal mindset of love and hope spread it.

It may even catch on like wildfire.